Sometimes just the thought of your lover or just the sight of the right person sitting across from you makes you all "I want to do it now...right now, right here" ish. That's spontaneous desire.
Sometimes your book may seem more interesting than your partner but, once your neck is caressed, your back is massaged and little kisses begin to caress you all over, the tides turn and you are ready. That's responsive desire.
Our Western tradition is based solely on men's sexual response. Until recently, women's response was not studied and was thought to mirror men's response. WRONG!! Both men and women experience spontaneous sexual response however, only approximately 15% of women continue to equate sexual response with desire after being in a relationship for a while. So, it may not be your libido, it may be the context in which you respond.
If you don't feel like ripping your clothes off and going for it everyday, it may just be that you need something to respond to. Sometimes we need to just start and then our response system will catch up to "sir speedy spontaneous" on the other side of the bed. Think about it and consider when sex is the best for you. What's the context? Talk about it with your partner and learn about each other's desire cycle. It's foreplay.
Once you understand your differences, you are able to honor each other, slow down and create the harmony you need for deeply satisfying sex.
Want to learn more? Join us for Great Sex Forever workshop.
Get it but don't know how to get there? I'm currently accepting new clients who are ready to explore desire and pleasure on the path to Sexual Happiness. To learn more, set up a free phone call here.