No Means No- Setting Boundaries for A Better Sex Life

Posted by Cheryl Sloane on

Do you ever feel like everyone needs a little piece of you? Kids, partners, friends, co-workers, family...they all want just a little bit of you ALL the time. And then we wonder why our libido might not be exactly what it was. I was feeling this way not too long ago and I had a wake-up moment where I decided that my survival as a happy, engaged, loving person depended on setting some real boundaries.

I generally have a pretty active libido. I'm usually in the mood but I noticed sometime in winter that I had become so stressed out with business and family that I actually started neglecting me. When I was too tired to pick up my vibrator at night I did a quick assessment and decided it was time for a new boundary setting talk with myself.

Learning to say no is really difficult for me and I genuinely do want to help people.So, instead of saying no, I started saying, "I can help you on Tuesday at 1," or something like that. If that time didn't work I could say "Sorry, that's my free time this week," instead of re-arranging everything for everybody else's schedule. Of course that doesn't always work with kids and partners but I found that once I began better organizing my day, others began respecting my time more. 

Now we have also reviewed boundaries for how we speak to each other, how we argue and how much complaining is allowed, or as I say, "Save the drama for the stage".

How does this all lead to better sex ? Well, with a clear view of my schedule, I am also able to schedule down time for me, alone time, which is a thing for me, and time together that is sacred. I don't think anyone can be expected to feel sexy after a scattered day when you never had time to even look at your list, much less accomplish your goals. I have 2 suggestions for that:

  1. Set real goals for your day
  2. Prioritize you for at least an hour everyday
  3. Remember that you started off as lovers

For me this means I get to go to my yoga class no matter what and I get to turn off my phone whenever I decide to. It means that my family respects my work time at home and pitches in with cleaning when I ask them too. 

When this all works I am much more likely to be relaxed and happy at the end of the day. I feel like taking time for massage, foreplay and great sex.

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