The Grown-Up Woman’s Guide to Better Sex-Essentials-Part 1

Posted by Cheryl Sloane on

The Grown-Up Woman’s Guide to Better Sex-Essentials-Part 1

I talk about sex a lot. In fact, whenever I go to a gathering of friends somehow sex becomes the subject matter for at least some of the time. A lot of my friends are over 40. Some, sad to say, have given up on sex altogether. Some are settled in their ways, still having sex but not really concerned with pleasure anymore (or maybe they never were). And some are eagerly searching for ideas, gadgets, products, anything to keep the pleasure going. Today, I’m going to focus on the latter.

Starting with puberty, we are biologically programmed to procreate. I’m not suggesting this is a good idea, note the word biologically, but it’s a fact that our receptors are on overdrive and we are at the peak of attraction. Our juices are flowing, and, except for occasional mishaps or problems, sex happens without too much fuss. In a healthy relationship with ourselves and others, these are the years where we discover what pleasure means to us.

Now, cut to the hormone changing pre/post-menopause years. We finally think we have things figured out and everything changes. Boom! Books have been written about this and I recommend a few at the end of this post, but for those who need the pared down-synthesized version, here are a few essentials that will make your grown-up sex life a little bit easier to manage.

*If you are having low-libido issues or major incontinence issues, go see a doctor. This advice is not meant to replace a doctor’s advice.

  1. Lube

If you follow this blog or any of my social media threads, you already knew that this was number one. Good lube is a life changer. You need:

A good silicone lube for sex, massage, foreplay and to control the frizz in your hair.

A water-based/glycerin free lube to use with toys. Most better toys are made of silicone and require a water-based lube.


A hybrid lube that has just enough silicone to feel good but not too much to hurt your toys.
Why not just use a hybrid? Because the silicone lube is longer lasting, more luxurious, and you’ll want to use it for so many other things. Massage being one of them.


  1. A Kegel exerciser.
Our bodies are so awesome. They work hard to help us have awesome lives. Our bodies work best when we are in partnership with them. With just a little bit of effort, we can combat effects of childbirth, age and gravity. A strong pelvic floor supports your inner organs, greatly aids in continence and helps you have deeper, stronger orgasms.
Kegel exercisers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. There are weights, balls, eggs and self-training toys with apps. Choose whichever appeals to you. The important thing is that you use it. In just a couple of weeks you will see a major difference in your pelvic floor muscle strength.


Remember- The larger the Kegel exerciser, the easier it is to hold inside your vagina. If you’ve had a child or two, start with a 40-60mm size.

  1. A couples toy.

Try one, even if you have never used a toy before. Three reasons:

Simultaneous orgasms are big-time fun because you get to that euphoria state together.

You just may need a little stronger stimulation as you age and your partner just may have a little less energy. Vibrating couples toy= WIN for both of you.

Every man should try a cock ring at least once. Sometimes, as guys age, the cock ring feels even better and helps them to stay hard longer. The vibration at the base of the penis will deepen their orgasm too.

  1. A g-spot toy.

Yes, you do have a g-spot and it’s never too late to discover it. Whether you want to do so by yourself or with a partner, a curved toy will help you discover on your own terms.

YOU DO NOT NEED VIBRATION TO STIMULATE YOUR G-SPOT. You may discover that you enjoy a little vibration at the peak of stimulation but a simple rocking motion about an inch or so inside and on the front side of your vagina will stimulate enough to know you’re in the right place.

When the g-spot is stimulated, it puts pressure on your urethra and you feel like you have to pee. Yup…that’s why you sometimes feel that way during sex. Work through it and see what happens.

I invite you to join the discussion in our very private Facebook page, try out some new things and ask questions. We’re here to help you have good sex forever. 

For more info I recommend Sex Rx By: Dr. Lauren Streicher

OK Grown-Up Women…go for it. You got this!




Share this post

← Older Post Newer Post →

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published.